“Hair, There and Everywhere”

My hair is definitely disappearing! During the first week of this 2nd chemo cycle it thinned to approximately half its previous crowning glory volume and for the first time ever, I now have ”thin” hair instead of a thick mane.

There are hairs all over my bedroom. It has blown on to my pillow via the hairdryer and there are hairs on my white dressing table. There are hairs on my laptop keyboard. My pressurized canister of air normally reserved for cleaning my cameras has come in handy here.

Everybody, but everybody assures me that my hair will return quickly, even thicker and possibly wavy after treatment ends so I am not unduly worried about this experience (hopefully! – of course I could just be the only one that it doesn’t come back for!) and looking forward to trying some new hairstyles as it grows back.

I was already up and about the other day, when my cousin Christopher brought me my now customary 9am cuppa and breakfast tray (Oh how I love it!). “Look at this”, I said and showed him my hair brush from which I was pulling out a handful of hair. “I get two of these handfuls a day now”! After a slight awkward silence whilst, I imagine, Chris was searching for something positive to say, he said quietly and gently “Would you like to make a little cushion out of it?” “Definitely not!” I said and we both burst into peals of laughter.

On Thursday I had it cut shorter which helped a bit but, at this rate, I’ll be lucky to see the other side of Christmas with a decent amount.

So now I am preparing for the next challenge – the “Follicle Challenge!” After the overcoming of this, I shall be in the home straight for bursting out of this cocoon, and starting to bloom again in the Spring of 2007 – double 007 – a fitting year to bring out Robert Sellers’ book “The Battle for Bond” on the story of my Dad’s involvement with Thunderball which is gaining much interest already and may involve Book tours and signings with Robert – another new experience.

Yesterday Sue came with me to Notting Hill Gate, and after a delicious Italian lunch in Hillgate Place, we went to Trendco – the trendy wig and hairpiece specialists at the top of Church Street, for a fitting. The first wig I saw was the one for me, and is very realistic indeed. It is now sitting on my dressing table on a white polystyrene head waiting for me” I shall wear it when I am working or don’t want to have to explain it all to strangers. I also bought a pink lacy ‘sleep cap’. But the thing I will feel most comfortable in is a rather glamorous turban in a browny aubergine colour which is my winter colour, and which is reminiscent of old movie divas who are having a bad hair day. I remember seeing Debbie Reynolds in one in the Hilton coffee bar (or perhaps she was going through chemo – who knows), and I am going to add some glittery brooches or silk flowers at the side to tart it up a bit, and if the whole barnet goes, I have also bought a little fringe which can be stuck under a scarf or turban with Velcro.

My old friend Bill Potts from the NBC Sports Wimbledon days, has sent me 6 fluorescent wigs – shocking pink, purple, lime green, electric blue, orange and yellow which, we are planning to don tomorrow morning if everyone gets up in time for a slightly different family Christmas photo! Mia has chosen the electric blue – Aimi the green, Mass - orange and I am in the shocking pink one! May have left it a bit late for sending cards out before this Christmas though, so they may have to be the first ones for next year!

Several people have had fun trying them on for me. In fact, I have yet to have a visitor, who, on spying the box of wigs & hats blonde and vari-coloured, has not had a go!








Potts has also sent me a cutting from a New York paper on a revolutionary new cure for baldness entitled:

“Ever Seen a Bald Dog?”

from which I include excerpts:

“Exciting scientific correspondence comes from William B Yancey, M.D., a medical Doctor. He has written about an observation that he made regarding his Labrador retriever, who is named Refrigerator. Refrigerator recently underwent hip surgery; in preparation for the operation, the veterinarian shaved his hindquarters and Refrigerator thus had all the hair removed from his rear end.

If you know anything about dogs, you know how Refrigerator spent his recuperation period: He licked himself pretty much full time. Dogs are very big believers in the healing power of “licking”. If dogs operated a hospital here’s how it would work: A patient would arrive in the Emergency Room, and a team of doctor dogs would gather around to conduct an examination, which would consist of thoroughly sniffing the patient. Then the doctor dogs would hold a conference, and whatever the patient’s symptoms were – coughing, lack of pulse, a spear passing all the way through the patient’s head – the doctor dogs would agree that the best course of treatment was: licking! And we’re talking about a LOT of licking. Not just the patient licking himself; but also the doctors licking the patient, licking themselves, and licking the other doctors. This is state-of-the-art medical care for dogs. Their equivalent of a CAT scan machine would be a big tube filled with tongues.

So anyway, after his operation, Refrigerator was performing medical care on himself, and Dr Yancey made a scientific observation: namely, that Refrigerator’s hair “has grown fastest in the areas where he has spent significant time licking himself.

Using this observation, Dr Yancey was able to form a scientific hypothesis which is this: Dog spit grows hair! The important implication is that dog spit could be a revolutionary new hair-growth treatment for balding men (or women on chemotherapy), and I believe that it is time to go past the research phase and go directly to the phase where we unleash the power of this amazing discovery to benefit humanity, to make the world a better place, and most importantly – to make money!

Specifically, what I am thinking of is a franchised line of hair-growth salons with a sophisticated name such as ’La Spitte du Chien’. Upon arriving at a salon, a client would undergo a pre-treatment interview, during which he would be asked a series of scientific questions such as “Do you have money?” and “How much?” The client would then be ushered into the Preparation Area, where his scalp would be coated with a scientifically-designed, nutrition-enhanced, precision-balanced formulation consisting of Skippy brand peanut butter.

Finally the client would enter the Treatment Area, where he would be instructed to lie down on the floor with his arms at his sides. A door would then be opened, and a professional 'Hair Growth Technician', barking loudly, would sprint into the room at upwards of 400 miles per hour, skid to a stop, and begin enthusiastically treating the client’s scalp. All of the technicians at ‘La Spitte Du Chien’ would be carefully selected on the basis of friendliness, professionalism, and not peeing on the clients.

I grant you that this procedure has a few wrinkles that need to be worked out, such as the issue of smooth versus chunky, but basically I think it makes as much sense as the baldness cures you see in the magazines. If any government agencies such as the Food and Drug Administration have any questions, well they can send their inspectors over to meet with our Board of Directors, Big Boy and Fang. They LOVE inspectors. It’s their favourite meal!”

Thanks Potts – most helpful! Hmnnnn!!!!!!!

Five days to go to the next chemo which will be three days before Christmas Day. As days 2 and 3 are the days I am polaxed and pretty unable to even sit up, it does not bode well for a jolly Christmas lunch, however, on Christmas Day I am planning to take the first cycle medication – the demomethasine which is a stimulant and gives me a lift but stops me sleeping so that I can totter downstairs and sit upright at the table for 10 that my darling Aimi is organising at my house.

Five days left of feeling well; to pack everything into that I want to get done, and to enjoy life.

Yesterday I went ice skating with Mia and we joined Ruth Gledhill and my five year old Godson Arthur at the Kew Gardens rink. It was a beautiful sunny wintry day and we had a great time skating and drinking hot chocolate and feeding the real Reindeers in the gardens. A joint birthday tea afterwards back at Ruth’s (we are both Saggitarians) with poetry from her very talented husband Alan and songs and harmonies on his guitar in their cosy home.

Today my friend Willy is coming over to supervise Mia and her friends Megan and AnnaMay decorating my Christmas tree.

Tomorrow we are all going to a Nativity Play in the country where a real Mary on a real donkey and Joseph walk up the hill to a real stable with real animals, Shepherds and Wise Men and produce a real baby Jesus by candlelight.

On Tuesday there is another Carol Service at Mia’s School Church. On Wednesday I am photographing a one year old. On Thursday a party thrown by Lesley McCormack Gathy, the late Mark McCormack’s daughter, in Barnes, and on Friday ZAP! – they will hit me again with the third dose of chemo after which I will be half way through the treatment.

Bring it on!!!! Sock it to me baby!!! Hair today – gone tomorrow. Anyone got a dog I can borrow for a few days?